Poem from a bum Day

Anxiety rises and pressure builds 

I become maxed out like a spent round

Deep Breath find release 

Fade away Come again

Beating heart grows ever slow

As my mind races through every thought

Close my eyes retreat inside

Questions never clear

Answers never found

Unsure where I fit in life's puzzle

I risk turning back the clock to 

my dreadful past

Debating whether to cash out Or spin the wheel again

A twisted non lethal Russian Roulette 

Strikes a fancy in my mind

How many times will I let the chambers of choice spin

And when they stop will they work in my favor

Or will I have to fold and walk away from this hand

Perhaps I can bluff my way back to Reality

Where darkness is my solace 

And Daylight my foe

Sick of the weight my mask of burden puts on my shoulders

I now am exposed and raw

Until tomorrow that is where I will once again 

Put on my mask to hide my truth

However let it be known my mask is cracked

Thus making it harder to tell if I'm legit

For those cracks allow my true colors to show

But only when I see fit

Numb to the world 

My nerves are shot

I short circuit 

Hence I become demon like 

Just another lost soul

Maybe I should have made my own path

When the I came across two paths in a Yellow wood  

Drawn and quartered I stand trial

I am my defense and prosecution

I am the Judge, jury, and Executioner

And the tables are not turned in my favor

Before myself I plead my case 

Life imprisonment is my sentence

Now and Forever my blood will be stained 

With the disease in which I fear there is no cure  

Quarantined to prevent the spread of self hate

I loathe myself for becoming overrun 

Appealing for parole I get out

Sadly I am not out for good 

I am granted day passes 

So that I may feel happy and what it means to be loved

Only to worsen my feelings when my pass is revoked

Perhaps one day I will escape my imprisonment

Long enough to fight my disease

So I can be like you