Caving

Left to my own devices I begin

To buckle under the pressure upon me

Scared to talk about how I’m feeling

I fear that I might relapse

Once again becoming the self-inflicting monster

I hate

I want to speak out about my fear

But I don’t know how you’ll react

Especially since it has been so long

Since I’ve caved

More than anything I wish I could

Call you

However I feel that at this hour you wouldn’t answer

Or even like the reason why I’m calling

So in an effort to stay somewhat safe

I distract myself with little things

Sadly though

I’ve prepared my tools and my kits

Just in case

I buckle and cave in

Slowly I can feel my skin begin to crawl

I start to shake as my pulse races

Chewing my nails down so I don’t scratch myself

Now more than ever I need to make the call

But I won’t since I have too much pride

That and I don’t want you to know

That I might fail

That I might fall

And that I might lose it all

Nature and Life

Where is the nature in the life we live
Does it flow like the rivers and sway like the trees
Is our pulse made up of the rains that fall
And are our years just simply ripples in the water
Or rather the rings within the trees that grow like our souls
We rise from the soil much like the flowers
When problems like rocks get in our way we break through
Because it is our nature 
Life and nature forever intertwined 
There can be no seperation for without one the other would die

Much like the embers that were left when the lightning struck
So is the breath that is taken by the beauty that nature brings
Similar to the waves found in the Northern Lights 
That go beyond our spectrum of life 
With their mystifying travels
Together nature and life can create great things
Like the medows and waterfalls
With hidden treasure caves that go as deep as our thoughts
Together until the end of time
Never to be separate

Living Dead

It feels like you died
I feel like I'm going through the grieving process
It didn't have to be like this
But now as the days pass by I feel as though you are gone
Certain things spark memories and it saddens me
I look through the pictures and listen to songs
And it saddens me until I realize you are in fact not dead
You are very much alive
Although you are alive I feel like I have killed you
Not on purpose
I never could do that to anyone as you know so well
Point is though I might as well have
Even though the double edge sword has pirced us both
If you're thinking
"This is going to hurt me more than you"
You are wrong since I'm so hurt I imagined that you died
Since no longer are you part of my life
But I hope it is merely for a moment
And that in the passing of a day you'll be  back
And as much as I will want to ask you
I will have to refrain from asking
"How would you have felt if I had died that night?"
Since I almost did
So you know not the damage you caused
Or even could have caused for that matter
Forever I will carry these scars
As a reminder to myself to not make the same mistake
Funny though how we both made mistakes
Yet our reactions to each others mistakes
Are like night and day
I'd do anything to make it right
But I feel this time it's best for me to let nature take it's course
So I sit back in my straight jacket fighting
To show you I'm still worthy of friendship
I want to say sorry but
I know sorry won't cut it and you don't want to hear it
Your anger towards me I understand
But I would have perferred if you beat me physically
Compared to how you are messing with me now
Causing so much damage to us both
Seriously though I feel as it you are dead
I've shed my tears for you
Talked about memories of you
Texted knowing I'd get no response
Things will probably never be the same
Even if I promise not to make this mistake again
Somehow though I know things will work out
So until we meet again
I miss you, take care

Wounded

Physically you never did anything to me

But Actions speak louder than words

And the mixture of both put a lance through my heart

Right next to the dagger that was already there

Straight from Romeo

Poor Juliette

It’s like I’m tied to a cross

And my demons keep jumping aboard

Pushing me down

But I keep fighting and when I stand back up

They work through you

Slowly you’re killing me

Making me want to die

Just so you won’t have to deal with me anymore

You’d like that wouldn’t you

I know you would since my demons are working overtime

Just to get in your head

Just so you can be the one to push me off the ledge

And after I’m gone will you remove your lance and have him take the dagger

Or will you shoulder all the blame on to him cause let’s be honest that’s not fair

Since it wasn’t just him it was you too

Once again it wasn’t something I wanted you to find out

But it just slipped out

And look where it got us

I’m standing on the edge of the ledge

Ready to jump ready to get pushed by you

I thought you were going to remove your lance at one point

But rather instead you took hold of it and gave it a twist

I used to have a stone heart but I got rid of it big mistake

Romeo and You eviscerated the real heart I had

So back to stone it is

No more worrying about all the deep scars that were cast onto me

Love doesn't exists, it's simply a cruel game... the mind plays on the heart 

And I lost

I lost not only my heart but my friends

I have nothing left how am I supposed to carry on

As a hermit perhaps

Aye yes that shall be the life for me

I’ll still care about the others I just won’t be able to show it

Since God forbid I show you I care and have learned

From this retched mistake