Caving

Left to my own devices I begin

To buckle under the pressure upon me

Scared to talk about how I’m feeling

I fear that I might relapse

Once again becoming the self-inflicting monster

I hate

I want to speak out about my fear

But I don’t know how you’ll react

Especially since it has been so long

Since I’ve caved

More than anything I wish I could

Call you

However I feel that at this hour you wouldn’t answer

Or even like the reason why I’m calling

So in an effort to stay somewhat safe

I distract myself with little things

Sadly though

I’ve prepared my tools and my kits

Just in case

I buckle and cave in

Slowly I can feel my skin begin to crawl

I start to shake as my pulse races

Chewing my nails down so I don’t scratch myself

Now more than ever I need to make the call

But I won’t since I have too much pride

That and I don’t want you to know

That I might fail

That I might fall

And that I might lose it all