Sobering Up

Indescribable feelings surge through me

The urge to self-destruct is growing ever strong

Pulse racing from fear and muscles tensing from anger

Will this be the end of me or just the beginning?

Thoughts escape my mind quicker than the sands of time

A vessel without a soul is what I become

Trying to fight without emotion

I feel nothing therefore I am nothing

Numb to the world war wages on

A demon in human form is what I’m afraid I am

The armor is cracking

I am vulnerable to the human elements

Frozen I do not react normally

My eyes like black holes in the universe

Everything disappears before I can register it

Hollow empty I am void

Clearing the fog I witness a new world

A place I want to be

Unattainable until I clean out the skeletons

And cobwebs that live in my head

Life continues moving forward

I’m left wishing it would stop

Just long enough for me to heal

So I can continue with my life

Heart heavy it sits in my stomach

My nerves of steel have turned to rust

Unable to deal I am a prisoner of my mind

Wasting away self-defeated

Climbing the fence one last time

I find relief on the other side

Rain

It’s raining

If I were to open my window

I could listen to each

Drop

As they hit the leaves

Creating a unique lullaby

That only Mother Nature could sing

Rather I sit and listen to the drops

As they ricochet against my window

And the tune is sharp and stings

 In the distance I begin to hear

A crescendo that brings

Thunder

False Death

It feels like you died

I feel like I'm going through the grieving process

It didn't have to be like this

But now as the days pass by I feel as though you are gone

Certain things spark memories and it saddens me

I look through the pictures and listen to songs

And it saddens me until I realize you are in fact not dead

You are very much alive

Although you are alive I feel like I have killed you

Not on purpose

I never could do that to anyone as you know so well

Point is though I might as well have

Even though the double edge sword has pierced us both

If you're thinking

"This is going to hurt me more than you"

You are wrong since I'm so hurt I imagined that you died

Since no longer are you part of my life

But I hope it is merely for a moment

And that in the passing of a day you'll be back

And as much as I will want to ask you

I will have to refrain from asking

"How would you have felt if I had died that night?"

Since I almost did

So you know not the damage you caused

Or even could have caused for that matter

Forever I will carry these scars

As a reminder to myself to not make the same mistake

Funny though how we both made mistakes

Yet our reactions to each other’s mistakes

Are like night and day

I'd do anything to make it right

But I feel this time it's best for me to let nature take its course

So I sit back in my straight jacket fighting

To show you I'm still worthy of friendship

I want to say sorry but

I know sorry won't cut it and you don't want to hear it

Your anger towards me I understand

But I would have preferred if you beat me physically

Compared to how you are messing with me now

Causing so much damage to us both

Seriously though I feel as if you are dead

I've shed my tears for you

Talked about memories of you

Texted knowing I'd get no response

Things will probably never be the same

Even if I promise not to make this mistake again

Somehow though I know things will work out

So until we meet again

I miss you, take care