Scared

I’m not gonna lie

I’m really quite scared

Since someone like me didn’t make it

So it all becomes too real for me

Do I fight or succumb

Or even give in to the urges

What are the consequences

Not just for myself but others as well

Will my relief be worth the pain I cause

Will the choices I make bring smiles

Or tears

For you see I have seen

Firsthand the effects of my choices

Tears that should’ve never fallen

Do just that

And for me knowing the pain I’ve caused

Only starts the cycle over

Somehow though for the time being

I have broken away from the cycle

Recent events though just continue

To enlist a fear within me that I will

Unwillingly falter

And once more bring those painful tears back

Along with disappointment

Perhaps even anger too

I’m scared that trestles are cracking

From the elements that have been waging war on me

And I know eventually part of me will break down

Question is how much is going to fall

And will I be able to pick up all the pieces

Will I be able to rebuild to become stronger

Will anyone be there to help me up

Or will I have to climb back alone

So much is unknown to me

And all I know is that I’m scared

Because for all I know

This is the calm before the storm

And tomorrow could be the day I break

Or perhaps that day will never come

Either way all I know is that I’m scared

It’s one against an army

And I’m all alone