Self-destruct Mode

There’s anger inside me and I can feel it building pressure

I’m self-destructing quicker than I ever thought I would

The fuse is just waiting to be lit

How much longer can I hold on

The match was struck and is burning down

Guiding my hand I hold it above the fuse

Playing God with my right to chose

Sssss….The fuse is burning down

I’m self-destructing

Imploding on myself

Time can only tell how long it will be until I break down

Razor at hand I feel the rush of knowing what I could do

Gently I set it on my skin as my mind sinks down

I begin to think about if this is the right thing to do

Just a little pressure that’s all it takes

To erase all that I’ve worked toward the past few months

It gives me a chill to sit with so much power at hand

I’m waiting for a reason to resist this urge

I’ll give it five minutes until I cut

Zzzt zzzt… My phone buzzes

I found my reason in a simple message

Waiting now I find a focus

Even then the urges carry on

However my focus makes me put the razor back

With no harm done, at least for the day

Mind still racing I think of release

Longing for its sweet relief that comes so easy

There is no telling the damage I could do

If I were to physically self-destruct

I know for sure it would change my being

This time though it would stay ever my secret

So that sadly I could use it to keep on going

Only to have it destroy me in the end

I’m self-destructing

Trying as hard as possible to contain this madness

In order to keep you safe from the fall out

This is the beginning of my phase ten

I pray this is only a dream

But reality keeps letting me know it’s not

 Get back, stay back, I don’t want to hurt you

Let me self-destruct and pick up the pieces

For now I’m safe but the timer is ticking